Wow.

Now that's a tad bit insensitive.
And coming from me, you'd probably just laugh at it.

What with all the hints, I think you should probably get it? But apparently you don't.
Id like things to change, but first, someone has to make a move.

Wukeyfcbkywebfckuybwekufcyb staying up late is never good.
You tend to over think useless things.
Goodnight.

Hello.

It's 3am.
And I feel awfully emotional again.
I really can't wait until everything ends on the 5th. By then I'd be free.


"I love you... I never told you that but I love you! You very good friend"

It's the texts like these that keep me going sometimes.

How it used to be

Just isn't how it is right now.

I'm not being a very good friend, I know. I'm supposed to tell you that too, I know.
But its hard to tell you when you won't. Really... Listen.

Some things are just better left unsaid. Throw all thoughts about it in a box, lock it up and burn it. Make sure the fire is huuugee. We'll be having a jamboree, dancing around that fire of unsaid things.

As for my forecast results; I'm happy. All credits. I can make use of that :D but somehow, someone jut won't be satisfied with the things you do.

I'm growing up, sure.
I still miss those days when I was younger. Waaaaaay younger.

Being the gutless chicken I am

I'll just, yknow, lay here.

So many things going on in the head, but only few actually oases through the mouth.
But it's better this way, right?
The unsaid should be left unsaid. There's a reason for that.
It may not be a good reason, but it's reason enough. Right?

SPM is less than a month away. I'm not ready at all.
I can kiss my straight As goodbye.

Yeah, I was aiming for straight As, but seeing me now and what I've been doing?
Yeah, I'll kiss them goodbye. But they never were that close anyway, so I'll just bade them goodbye.

How sad.

After a while

You just realize that you're the horrible friend.

I've been excruciatingly cranky to people. And lately, I've been overly emotional.
Too emotional.
I don't know how my friends, or even some people, can put up with that.
Every single day.
That's what makes me appreciate my friends the most.

Those who can't handle you at your worst, definitely don't deserve you at your best.

I should just disappear. Or maybe transform into a cat.
Shouldn't that suffice? :3

A lot has been happening these past few months.

Good things, thats for sure. Bad things, those just can't be avoided.
And to summarize everything I'll just say its been building up character. For me, and most of us.

Relationships between people had been bittersweet, rocky, oh just everything.
I hate SPM. It makes me think twice about everything I'm about to do. Wait, that's good. Nevermind. Moving on.

My inner voice, I believe, is currently hibernating. I've been doing more wrongs than rights.

Climbing fences, keeping secrets I don't think I should be keeping, going behind my parents back. I've been a horrible child.

And God feels like he's still right there. Giving me second chances every now and then and I keep. On. Doing. The. Same. Mistakes.

Worthless

Who even fails math nowadays? who gets bloody low marks for moral?
I even bet up a kid. I had my reasons but I don't think those reasons were good enough to beat. Him. Up. Its a monstrosity, no. I'm a monstrosity.

Sometimes.

At many points of life, I wonder what am I doing here when I'm obviously not good enough for anything. I'm not helping anyone. I suck at cheering people up. No lives rare brightened thanks to me.

What am I doing here?

I forgot to mention

A kid grabbed my ass.

What the actual bloody habibah.

When it rains

Things get wet. Very wet.

I can't say the same goes for my cheeks though. They're quite dry, if you exclude the facial moisture and humidity.

I haven't been on for a looonnng time now. I miss you blogger :( and the reason isn't even legitimate. I just didn't want to go on because I refuse to type a post on this bloody piece of touch screen block. It feels so dead. It just doesn't feel the same. Anywho, life has been long. Or at least that's what it felt like.

I honestly don't know what to feel about it.
I'm just a ball of undecided emotions.
What with SPM just around the corner. 68 days to be exact.
Where did all the time go?
On one end, I'm awfully glad it's going to be over, and on the other I'm just not ready to go through this.

OMAGAS

HELLO CIVILISATION.

I haven't seen you in a while baby, where have you been?
I miss cyberspace. Its been so so lobg :(

Life has been ugly.
My dad was hospitalised. I had second thoughts. My mom had a breakdown. Then it was my turn.

When the lights are out.

I feel gaseous.

I tried putting it in the nicest way possible. 

Greenish

Just a little greenish.

I look at all my friends and they've all improved. It's either that or they're improving. In the process of growing up, being a better person, looking prettier.

And I'm still the one static. Hmm :(

There I was

lying ever-so-innocently on the carpet, browsing through site after site for *my future* when BAM.

The ugliest, longest, fattest, most brown figurine captured my eyes.
A COCKROACH.
The bloody thing stayed stationary for a while and made its' move towards me. I CRAWLED UP THE FRIGGIN BED IN A HURRY AND THE HAIRY BEAST STOMPED ALL OVER MY LAPTOP LIKE IT OWNS THE BLOODY THING. Since when did cockroaches become such bosses?

So I'm gonna have a quick shower before bed and it's 3:06AM. Cockroach, I pray that you're out of the room by now.

Say that. 

And I'll give you this. 

And then this. 

Just because it seems like the most relevant thing right now. 

There's only two types of people in the world

It's up to you

to say what you want to say, and it's completely your choice to think what you want to think.

But I just can't help but to feel, slightly appalled by some people who have a certain kind of thinking. Ugh, anyway, moving on.

Friday:

KAMIJAN'S BIRTHDAY

I think almost all my friends went to the La Salle concert. 

All I did was go to the library and did a little bit of History and Physics. Opposing subjects, are they not?  I'M JUST COOL THAT WAY, STOP JUDGING ME haa. 

Later at night went for dinner at Welcome Seafood Restaurant for my mom heh heh heh. I personally think the food there is really good. I have yet to try all the dishes there but the one dish I love most is the Welcome special tofu. It's some kind of tofu with seafood inside, doused with mayonnaise. omnomnom :) 

Then we went to my uncle's house. 

There was a church meeting there so that was where the holy party of the day came in. I wasn't really concentrating though hmm :l Attention span, not so good. 

AND TODAY WE RE PAINTED THE LINES AT THE SCHOOL'S PARKING LOT. DAMN PRODUCTIVE THERE. But I went home quite late. So I called him. I like his voice haha 

EYES, FEAST ON THIS

This isn't intended for anyone

I just want to smash everything right now. 

Not angry, not too happy. 

Just, indifferent. 

The landscape of my emotional portrait is, completely blank. 

I am so bad ass

because I skip school after talks, hoyeah.

And today is no exception. Mm, actually this would be the first time? :l HAHAHA THAT BAD ASS.
We went to Damai today, talking oh-so-loud to each other, acting like we own the world.

You know what they say.
We're only young once.

I need to go

I don't know where exactly but I just need to go. 

Anywhere would do. Just to take things off my mind.
It doesn't have to be that specific car, but it would be nice if that was mine. Heh heh heh.

School tomorrow.
Not really looking forward to it because I know it won't be much of a productive day. Talk after talk, walk around, chit-chatting with friends.
When will I learn.
Not a few weeks before the big exam, I hope. 

Why do I find this completely relevant?

SPORTS CARNIVAL TODAY

AND WE WON FOR NETBALL AND THE OVERALL SPORTS. HIHIHI.

Tremendously happy kid here.

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, the rest and I attempted parkour at the skate park in Likas today. Everyone else had bruises except, well, a few of us heh heh heh. I didn't get a bruise either. No proof like that :( But it's alright, I'll get it soon enough. The new hang out place is absolute cool heaven with the level of cool that thing possesses. Unless you count millipedes cool too, then that would make it extra cool. Over the top cool.

And I couldn't call him today. And I don't think I'll be able to do that again tonight since he's only back at 2AM. I HAVE SCHOOL DAMMIT. Goodnight.

When you're down in the dumps and you're stranded without any means of communication at home or you just don't feel like talking to anyone

SHAKE THAT BOOTY

I got #

for the SIR competition.

So here I am, still in KL.

Waiting for um, well, tomorrow. I'll be going back via (obviously I won't be swimming back) airplane, Firefly.

The competition was tough, and each and every one of the competitors gave a good show. Literally it would be on National Television eh eh eh? Heh.
I tripped on quite a few words, missing out a few alphabets here and there, but I guess I did ok. 6th overall out of 14 isn't that bad right?

So yes, the top 5 people. They have the luck, the mental capacity as well as the knowledge. And let me just tell you frankly that in this spelling competition, even by swallowing 2 dictionaries might prove to be completely useless.

You need the whole bloody Internet to spell the given words there 100%
Or maybe really good hearing? Heh.

So let me just extend my felicitations to the top 5 Malaysian spellers;

1. Kenneth Wu 
2. Wong Li Chin
3. Nurul Nadiah
4. Ahmad Ihdar
5. Amirul Fitri

All of them are really, really nice people and I really hope that I get a chance to meet them again one day, and of course the rest of the State champions for both Secondary and Primary. We were given one day to hang with each other and we were already talking as if we've been friends for some time. Give us a few more days, the bond would be doubled. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? A LITTLE CHEMISTRY? GEDDIT? CHEMISTRY? BOND? FRIENDSHIP? 

I'll stop now. 

Competition

Is tomorrow and I made friends with the competitors. And competition is extremely tough. Being a form 5 this year and not being able to spell as good as a 15 or even a 14 year old, kinda sucks a lot, hmm.

And what on earth just happened, the lights went out. Probably an electricity cut? This better be temporary.

As I was saying, Suhail, Bareth, Pang, Ain, Nadia, Soveena. All new friends :) I like it but, it's not permanent. Have to remember that. Now, the biggest worry so far: Kenneth Wu.
Last year's champion and he's back to defend his title. Thanks to him, the spelling bar has been heightened to a, kinda high standard there. Thanks kid, you rock.
But anywho, they all really do rock :) such a nice bunch of people :) I just pray and hope and have faith that I will not get eliminated in the preliminary round tomorrow.

And I kinda miss my friends already. New people are good, but the ones who stuck with you thus far are the ones who you know, are your friends.

Mana kau Cheng :(

I'm finally in KL

And seeing him smile at me just kills me.

He looks so nice, so innocent, and superbly HARMLESS.
But we all know deep inside that boy, there's a raging, spelling demon, just waiting for the right time to knock me out, alphabet by alphabet. He's only 14 this year though. Wait- what am I saying?! RAGING SPELLING DEMON INSIDE.

The journey here so far has been, pleasant? It was nice talking to the other participants in the bus during the ride to Olympia Hotel. And KL, the roads are just littered with Mercs, Peogeots, BMWs and even Audis. I love staring out the window :3
Back in KK, at most, you'll only be seeing hundreds of Mercs. And Mini Coopers? Nvm, point is, roads in KL is definitely a nice view :p

My dad on the other hand, hasn't exactly been the most supportive supporter.

And I guess I am super excited for this competition because whoops, guess who woke up at 4AM today? And my first instinct was to call him up. Agh yes yes, clingy much ha. But I couldn't just fly off to KL and tell him all about it once I came back? That would be, not so nice :/ and now I'm ging to off to my room. Will be updating again soon.

Pray for me.

A sense of responsibility

is something I should possess, seeing that it is coming to the end of the year and yet I don't.

What is wrong with me, I'm coming to 17 this year and all the experiences gained should have given me a sense of courtesy to at the very least tell my teacher that I was not going to be present at the club that day.
I feel so shitty.
He obviously expressed disappointment and all I did was "heh. Sorry, heh." Great Vusak, just great.
So he came up with a solution; we're going to be having a meeting this following Monday to think of the programmes that we will be having for the next 2 meetings. Those will be the last by the way.
I'll be conjuring up useless things in my corner now.

Um, now on to an irrelevant subject;

I genuinely think this is not too bad. 

Get off her back already. 

She tried, she got it and now she's living the dream. 

The world isn't fair, everyone should know that by now, right? 

And if people think that she is ugly and hate her for that, try setting your mentality straight. That is plain dumb silly. 

Hating someone for being ugly? Wow. 

I didn't have any form of communication with him yesterday.

It was awfully tempting but I shouldn't be calling him allllllll the bloody time.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO 

If only they had one of these 

I would've given up on being Natalie and started saving the world against evil a long, long time ago. 

And today

was the day I took the chemistry quiz.
I was not prepared at all for it, but for the sake of getting a certificate, I went for it anyway.
The habs on earth was I thinking?!
I guess it was worth it. In the end. I hope :(

And later on in the day, I had NST photographers over to take, well, photographs.
It was the most awkward thing alive because I was asked to change from my home shorts into jeans.
WHO ON EARTH WEARS LONG ASS HOT HOT JEANS AT HOME.
But it's alright I guess :l hmm.
I had to bring out a few books to 'prepare' for my journey to KL tomorrow.
It was fun though, that I have to admit. Heh.

Here's a very corny post just because I'm an unstable ball of ugly emotions

Remember. 

Phalanges were intertwining everywhere. 

 I just thought that night was extra extra pleasant. 

I never did anything like that so I was basically 

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG-ing

all over the place. Somewhere inside. 

Deeeeeeeep inside. 

I like cherry tomatoes and how they just burst in your mouth.

I like potatoes too but they've proven to be unhealthy. And damn fattening D: 
Goodbye, my love. 

So, I'm going off to KL this Friday for a spelling competition.
And to be frank, I am damn scared. The victory in the first round was completely unexpected and now I'm off to the Peninsular for the second round?! WHAT ON EARTH.

I AM NOT READY I AM NOT READY I AM NOT READY

This is way too intense. Or maybe that's just me being me. I have to wear a necktie, a bloody blazer and brand new shoes. All for show hohoho.
The worst part would be being cut off in the first round. And the first person to be cut. The embarrassment.
Wish me luck, please? Pray for me.

you make me feel like an idiot

and you wonder why I have such low self-esteem at times? 

I need to go hide myself. 

that's what we all are. 

I REALLY NEED SLEEP. 

I slept at 3:44AM last night, why?
I honestly don't know either. I do silly things without knowing. That's how oblivious I am. 

Goodnight

IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU SMILE I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

This.

I promised myself I'd write on this blog every single day

But I think every single day had other plans for me.

SO I'LL TRY EXTRA HARD TO FULFILL THIS PROMISE ONCE MORE so when I look back 10 years from now, I get to see how stupid I was WHOOPIE.

And before anything else happens: LOOK!

That would be 7k.
With 8 out of 10 parts of the family. Oh I feel like a horcrux.
We did a lot of planking that evening. And when I say a lot, I MEAN A LOT. I saw quite a few people too. The ones who were there for the run and those who just wanted to show up.
Hanging with the kids till 10 made me realize how much I miss them and how much I will be missing them once I graduate this year.
Time flies way too fast, don't you think?

And how is my education going.
It's alright. I feel ultimately lazy(as usual) but there just isn't time for that. I try my best to poke my nose in a book every now and then but what's the use when my brain is flying off to awesomeland? Must improve by the end of this month. or next month, whichever. 
Other than that, I feel like I'm not progressing. I'm just static whilst everyone else seems to be going somewhere. I want that :( Even the smallest progress would do. If I stand still for too long, I might fall in reverse. Shemauuuu I've been so emo lately.
Where forth art thou, menses. 

I'd really love to post up more personal things on Tumblr, but they're just too... Personal.
So I'll keep those kind of stuff here.

A lot of things had happened in the past few weeks. Err, make that days. Sorry.
Everything happened within a week.
(Friday)
There was this one hurtful rumour.
Then I kinda cried.
(Saturday)
And then it was sorted out.
(Sunday)
And everything was alright again.

What's my point? I think I'm letting people in too easily.
But I kinda fancy this peanut a lot. Whoops.

errbody doing good?

Cuz I am.

Dammit it was just too funny. Elsker dig dug? That, I have to save.
Life's been pretty decent. Hasn't been good, hasn't been bad either. Just, in the middle of everything. Wish I could be more vivid here but whoops, I can't.

Goodnight everyone.

It's me again

bombarded by a frikkin bomb full of undecided feelings.
I really need to sort myself out, I need to sort my brains out, I need to sort everything out. I can't keep confusing people around me, I can't keep letting them down.

Ummm, I'm about to finish my moral project (or so I'd like to think so). POSITIVE THINKING PEOPLE; IT GETS YOU THERE. 

Never once did it ever occur to me

that I actually know quite a handful of lesbians in my school.

I'm really really shocked.

KIM'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM LAU KIM LI, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY somewhat LEGAL.


It was quite a celebration I think.
It started with Vad and I. Vadee wanted to get Kim something more decent so we went there earlier and wanted to book a table beforehand but too bad, they didn't accept further bookings so we had to just standby and hope no one would take the table that we wanted.

So off we went; looking for Kim's birthday present + cake.
It was dark, really, and Vad wanted to use a different route. Too bad I'm not much of a listener when it comes to these things. HEH. SO ON THE DARK PATH WE WALKED.
We took our time with eenie-meenie at the bakery but in the end, it was BLACK FOREST CHOCOLATE CAKE FOR KIM.

Walk back to Upperstar; table taken. So we had to wait a little while longer and luckily birthday girl wasn't there yet so we decided to get a drink before anyone else got there. Vad asked for a chocolate float and I asked for a... b-52

Vadi's drink doesn't look as nice anymore. Too bad.
Anyway, I blew out the flame cuz I didn't know how to drink that in a martini glass hohoho. The waiter laughed at me when I did that, silly man.

Next on the agenda would be the flooding of the buddies;

Birthday girl <3 

From left to right - Leleng, Kim, Nikki, Vad

From left to right - Bel, Leleng, Kim, Nikki, Vad

It started out inside, and there were 4 more guests so we had to ask for a larger table so while waiting for the table we just sat and talked and took pictures. Sorry we were terribly loud, other people. But it's Kim's birthday yknow yknow? 

I think the best part for me would be the surprising of the Kim with birthday cake cuz yeah I think she was really surprised <3 

After the cake, the girls and the boys separated;

They went to their own thing and we went to some Indian shop to... Well, shisha? 

Initially, I didn't want to do it. But I ended up sucking on the bloody thing. The hookah had to come in a set, they didn't have a 1 tower only thing which kinda sucks :( 

I felt really really bad though but it was soo. Tempting. 

More pictures in the next post :D

LIKE A BOSS

I stay at home.


Okay , maybe a bad boss.


But yeah, I've been missing school for a week now, thanks to my new friend; Tonsillitis.

Complaining.

I'm sick and I have no mood to do anything.
How'd I catch this fever? I don't know. Idiot immune system. Can't you work properly kah?

I prayed to the Big Boss to make me better by tomorrow so I'll be by the computer while waiting for that miracle to happen. Besides, I have important stuff to check out now hohoho.

19TH MARCH? IMPOSSIBLE.

Now, I really think I should just disappear from Earth

I've been such a pain in the elbow lately and oddly, elbows don't hurt since they don't have nerve receptors so yeah, that's just how much of a pain I am.

If I were a disease, I'd be the meat eating bacteria that eats people whole. Slowly, one-by-one.

I mean, no one would really care right?
I should've been in the Australian floods.

Blackberry

Makes you look and feel like a boss.
But other than that? Blogging on it makes you feel downright depressed. Everything's just too damn tiny and the qwerty keypad doesn't help either.

Who's complaining though! Right? Ugh, but anyway.
How was New Year's everybody? :)
I spent mine in a car. yeah, story of my life.

We were in Puluduk at first, celebrating papa's birthday :) But left quite early, like 10PM early? :( papa was quite disappointed that we left, instead of the usual stay till countdown tradition we usually do every year? tradition broke :( We are so sorry Pa...
 and off we went to 1B. There, we waited for DJ Skeletor? or someone like that. Giri got us tickets but we... being the awesome people we are, arrived late and they gave one of the tickets away. the crowd was pretty dead + we didn't want anyone to feel left out so we went to KK instead.
Shenanigans was packed. That's all I can say hohoho.

Masses of people were just standing, moving a little bit, moving a lot, drinking, talking, whoa. the bass was awesome :)

And then we went to Texas.

There was Singapore Sling, B-52 and my drink; ORGASM.
Hahahahaha, seriously? You're naming a drink orgasm? okay, fine. But only if it was fitting with the taste. That was farrrrr from orgasm.
Ngeh. I don't know, it was just malibu?

We went back to puluduk and had a few rounds with the boys.
I put a cigarette in my mouth. Didn't puff it though :) I'm still a good girl.

And finally went back home at 7AM. can you believe that? hahaha I love my cousins :D they had a little bit of a hangover later on in the day. I was fine. heh :p go meeeeeee :)